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The History of Squids

Updated: Dec 2, 2021


Dear Diary,

I'm not going to make this entry political, but I have something to say. (I also apologize in advance Diary, I don't mean to make you look at this filth)

You're probably sitting there wondering to yourself, what in the hell do these two disgusting humans have to do with one another? Sit down for a moment and let me teach you something.

According to, "Squids belong to a particularly s̶u̶c̶c̶e̶s̶f̶u̶l̶ stupid group of mollusks called the cephalopods, which have been around for about 500 million years. Some ancestors of modern-day squids had shells, such as the ammonites, which r̶u̶l̶e̶d̶ were the bottom-feeders of the waves 400-65 million years ago."

Look at these images. Slippery. Slimey. Gag-worthy. If you don't see the resemblance, you're an idiot. And Keith (and Rick), you're a worthless squid.

Now on to happier topics. I witnessed live an absolute beatdown of a disgusting school that resides in Kentucky last night (see Federal Extortion Here). Sparty slapped those clowns back and forth, showing them who the true Daddy is this side of the Mississippi. According to my senior editors, I can't add bets to my WorstBets record unless they're blogged, but I'd like the transcript to reflect that I had:

  • Michigan State ML -175; 8.75 Units to win 5

  • Team in Kentucky team total under 66.5; 5.75 Units to win 5

  • Under 137.5; 4.4 Units to win 4 (thank you Jesus)

3-0 on the evening, +14 Units NBD.

Yes, I am 5-0 this week and feeling myself so I'm going to ride this heater into Thursday Night Football. I don't have much to say here except that as a loyal friend, and newly esteemed colleague, I'm following Toxic Pockets' pick of Cowboys -6.5 (5.25 Units to win 5). I've also added

Under 47 (5.5 Units to win 5)

Cowboys ML -258 (12.9 Units to win 5)

Pistons ML +575 (2.5 Units to win 14.38)

Kamara injury news has already moved that total to 46, and regardless if the Saints pay Taysom Hill $95 Million, a pack of cattle or a god damn dowry, I have zero faith in him putting up more than 17 points.

That's all I've got today: short and sweet, I'm looking to find my groove in these entries. Sometimes my bets don't have much reason, I'm just firing blindly.

Good luck, good scores, and goodnight Diary.



And once more for those in the back of the room: Fuck you Keith Olbermann

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